Euro 2024, day 15
*internal screaming*
Ok, then.
I did the thing I almost never do during the last 15 minutes of normal time watching England vs Slovakia, and started writing the newsletter early. I had written 81 words before I obviously had to stop. Here’s how it went:
Something happened late in this game. Something unpleasant but inarguably true.
As England threw players forward with no semblance of structure or idea in how to attack, I realised something: I actually didn’t want them to score. I didn’t want to watch another 30 minutes of this. I didn’t want to watch this team play another game at the Euros. I just wanted it to be over. I just wanted it to be done so I wouldn’t have to care anymore.
But then they did score. It wasn’t over. It isn’t done, so I still have to care. Let’s get into it. The England stuff here (which is most of it) is all free to read, but then Spain vs Georgia will be for paid subscribers only.
England 2-1 Slovakia
England are not a good football team. This is not some great secret after four games, but the ways in which they’ve been bad still manage to shock me. They look far too lethargic press in any sort of structure without the ball. They misplace basic passes and get players caught up in the same zones when they have the ball. I’ve written a lot about Gareth Southgate’s England and none of these things were true in 2018, 2021 or 2022. This is a huge backwards step in almost every way a football team can be good. I can nitpick specific choices, but this is such a collective failure that something has clearly gone very wrong at the heart of the whole project. I just don’t know what.
Southgate made just one change from the draw against Slovenia: Kobbie Mainoo in for Conor Gallagher. Southgate clearly can’t find a midfield balance he likes. Everyone ridiculed him for saying that the team doesn’t “have a natural replacement for Kalvin Phillips”, but this is what he’s talking about. England lack the balance that a calm passing central midfielder, even a mediocre one like Phillips, would provide. The most under-discussed error he made in the build up to this tournament, for my money, was leaving Curtis Jones at home.
England started the game terribly without the ball, totally unable to exert any sort of press. Slovakia get the first goal by catching out both John Stones and Marc Guéhi, which was supposed to be a positive in this side. They both try to win the same ball in the air but lose out, opening up the entire defence for Slovakia to attack. It just stunk.
From there, inevitably, Slovakia were happy with their lead. They took just two more shots in normal time. They had what they came for. England had the game in front of them, and it was rough. It was really rough. We saw the same issues we’ve been seeing for a while. England don’t have a clear idea of how to manipulate space against a low block. Phil Foden moves inside to occupy the same space as Jude Bellingham, leaving the left flank vacant for a marauding Kieran Trippier, while Mainoo does the same thing, meaning no one wants to constructively progress the ball because there’s barely a midfield. England can only attack from transitions, such as the Foden offside goal, but everyone knows that, so they get denied those opportunities.
But sometimes you just have too many good players to mess it up. England equalised after 94 minutes from a long throw. It wasn’t even a cool routine. Guéhi just won the aerial duel and it fell for Bellingham to score an overhead kick. Nothing about this system or setup has been designed to get the best out of Bellingham. Nothing at all. But he finally got into a situation where he could provide a moment of quality, and he did it. Into extra time, England got another moment of weird quality, in which Ivan Toney won it in the air and flicked it onto Kane for the second. I can’t really explain any of this. It just sort of happened.
I do think there’s a relevant point here. England have scored four goals at this tournament now, and all of them have been very scruffy “English” goals. They scored against Serbia through a scruffy Bukayo Saka cross for Bellingham making a late run and heading it home. Against Denmark, they got ahead by Kyle Walker scuffing a low cross for Kane to be alert in the box. And here, England scored from a long throw and a knock on header between two strikers. They’re not good enough in possession to play intricate football. I think England need to be more direct here. Get it forward quicker, and get it wide.
When England went ahead, to the shock of absolutely no one, they retreated into a low block and let Slovakia attack them. I’m not that mad about it, to be honest. England have been terrible at pressing and exerting control over games, and would likely have done it appallingly after playing 90 minutes of football. On the other hand, they’re good at defending in a block. I don’t think they did a terrible job of seeing it out, even if it felt vile. The whole thing felt vile. But it was the kind of vile where you end the game with joy in your heart at the thought of pissing off neutrals.
I don’t think England are very good. I don’t think anyone does. They’re facing Switzerland next. Anything could happen. Yeah, I’ve written this whole thing and I still have no idea.
Spain 4-1 Georgia
I don’t know what will happen next, but I’m ready to say it: this is the most purely enjoyable version of Spain I’ve ever watched.